It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
