she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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