3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
