Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
