im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I touched a dick in church today
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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