i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
