i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
