I smell stomach acid.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
