is your mom at the bar?
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
