just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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