Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Randomize
