i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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