Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
