I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
