we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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