there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
