I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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