i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
