Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
