Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
