I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
