I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize