She is in my trunk
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
