i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize