youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
