New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
