He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just googled if crying burns calories
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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