He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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