i was born a porn star she said
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
what is it with giant penises always finding me
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
