she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
