Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
