I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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