Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize