I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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