don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize