I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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