you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Randomize