Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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