maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
