she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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