Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
