i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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