Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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