There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
