You can't motorboat a personality
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
