is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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