hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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