Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
