my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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