I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
