bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
