Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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