STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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