i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
