Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
