i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
