You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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