What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
