ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
