david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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