On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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