Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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