I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
