Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
