I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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