Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
