when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
