That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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